


Darling, Just Hold On

by leeanndarling



Series: Taking Chances [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: A lot - Freeform, Character Death, F/M, M/M, but a somewhat happy ending?, depressing overtone, depressing subjects, he has a breakdown close to the end, i cried a lot, louis cries, sorry for the heartbreak, sorry if you cry, the kids are okay, they're celebrating jay's life like she would've wanted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-15 02:55:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9215570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leeanndarling/pseuds/leeanndarling
Summary: Two years after Louis cleans his life up and marries Harry, his world comes crashing down with one single phone call.Or:The one where Jay gets cancer and Louis doesn't know how to handle it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> With the relationship Louis and Jay had in Taking Chances, I felt like this story would fit with the series. I had planned on it being longer, but I kept having to take breaks because I was crying so hard. This was easily the most heartbreaking thing I have ever written. The ending isn't all that great because I had to stop. It was too much.  
> Even now, a month later, I'm still in absolute shock about what happened to Johannah. She was a beautiful soul who deserved so much. I'm so heartbroken that she's gone, and I'm so proud of how the kids are handling this. They're such strong people. I'm glad instead of mourning, they're celebrating her and keeping her memory alive like she would've wanted.   
> So, yeah. This took me a bit to write because of the subject. But here it is, let me know what you think about it.  
> RIP Johannah Deakin. You're gone too soon.

The day Louis gets the call, he breaks down. He breaks the vase that’s on their counter, and he almost breaks his hand when he punches the wall. Harry finally manages to grab Louis and calm him down, holding the boy tight in his arms.

“Shh, Louis, what’s wrong?” Harry whispers, rocking Louis gently. “Talk to me, lovely. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Louis chokes out a sob against Harry’s neck, collapsing into his arms. “M-Mum has cancer,” he cries, shaking his head jerkily. “Mum has stage four cancer. I have to go to Doncaster,” he whispers.

They pack up and drive to Donny, settling into Louis’s old room when they arrive. They help take care of the girls while Dan is in the hospital with Jay, holding her hand through the treatments. Lottie and Fizzy understand, but the twins don’t quite get why Jay isn’t home all of a sudden. Doris keeps asking for her mummy.

Jay comes home a few days later, weak but in good spirits. Louis spends the next four days with her before he drives back home, promising to visit soon. There’s a newfound hope in Louis’s heart when he and Harry crawl into bed that night.

All hope is shattered two months later when Louis gets the call that Jay has been hospitalized. She’s too weak to live at home, and she needs constant care from the doctors. Louis and Harry don’t waste any time. They give Jesy and Perrie a key to their house, and they leave. They don’t know how long they’ll be gone this time, but they unpack their clothes into Louis’s old closet as soon as they arrive in Doncaster.

“Mummy is gonna be okay, isn’t she?” Daisy whispers, crawling into Louis’s lap that night. She’s terrified and it’s easy to tell that she’s been crying. She doesn’t understand.

“Yeah, baby,” Louis says quietly, kissing her forehead. “Mummy is gonna be just fine. Don’t worry, okay? Do you want me and Harry to tuck you in?”

All four young kids are tucked in an hour later, Louis and Harry cuddled up on the couch with the two older kids.

“Y’know, you probably shouldn’t tell them that mum is gonna be okay,” Lottie mumbles, picking at her nails. “There’s a chance that mum is never coming home. You’re gonna get their hopes up.”

“I know,” Louis sighs, sipping on his tea that Harry made him. “I just- I don’t know how to explain it to them, y’know? They don’t know what cancer is.”

“Maybe me and Tommy can explain it to them,” she says quietly. “He’s good at that stuff. And the twins love him. He loves mum, but he’ll be able to explain what’s going on to them. We’re too emotionally invested.”

“I think-“ Louis exhales shakily, hands trembling a bit. “I think I’m just too scared to admit that mum might not make it. I don’t know what I’m going to do without her. She’s my best friend.”

“You won’t be alone, baby,” Harry murmurs, kissing Louis’s cheek gently. “You’ll still have your family, yeah? And me. It’s gonna be okay, no matter what happens.”

Louis whimpers quietly and hides his face in Harry’s neck. Lottie and Fizzy instantly tear up, not used to seeing their big brother like this. Louis’s always the rock, and the girls don’t know what to do now that he’s breaking.

“Sorry, sorry,” Louis mumbles, wiping his eyes. “Let’s all go to sleep and we’ll go see mum in the morning, yeah?” He smiles softly, standing up. “We’ll go out for breakfast first. Tell Tommy he’s welcome to join us.”  
Fifteen minutes later, Louis’s cuddled into Harrys chest, playing with the ring on his finger.

“Lou, you know that you don’t have to be strong all the time, right?” Harry asks quietly. “Let me be strong for you. This is hard. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through right now. It’s okay to cry.”

Louis shakes his head, sniffling softly. “I’m fine,” he mumbles. “You saw the girls earlier. I can’t let my guard down.”

When they go see Jay the next morning, Louis almost has to excuse himself from the room. Jay is in bed, body small and weak under the blanket. Doris and Ernest immediately crawl up on the bed, babbling happily. They have no idea that anything is wrong. Louis can see Lottie in the corner trying not to cry, Tommy rubbing her arm gently.

“You feeling okay, mum?” Louis asks softly, tucking her hair behind her ear gently. “Need anything?”

Jay gives him a soft smile, squeezing his hand gently. “Just some water would be great, thank you,” she nods, voice quiet.

Louis kisses her forehead and walks out into the hallway, trying his hardest to stay strong. He knows he can’t cry, not in front of his mum, not in front of all his siblings. He can’t let them see him like that. It wouldn’t be good for anybody.

He comes back a few minutes later with a cup of water and a straw, helping Jay take a drink. She’s almost too weak to hold the cup on her own and the sight makes Louis nauseous. He stands off to the side, watching as the kids talked with Jay and told her about their lives. Harry takes the girls out a little over an hour later, but Louis stays by Jay’s side and holds her hand.

“I miss you being at home, mum,” Louis murmurs. “It’s hard without you. I don’t know how you handled the girls so well. You’re like a super mum.”

“You’re doing just fine with them, Louis,” Jay whispers. “I can tell. They’re all happy and healthy, and that’s what matters. But are you happy and healthy, baby?”

Louis chuckles flatly. “Healthy? Maybe,” he mumbles. “Happy? Not so much. I just- this fucking sucks, mum. You don’t deserve this.”

“Nobody deserves this, love,” Jay reminds him. “I’d rather this happen to me than a child, y’know? I’ve had a full life. I have seven beautiful children that I’m so so proud of. I have an amazing son in law, who takes wonderful care of my oldest.”

“Mum, you-“ Louis shakes his head, covering his face. She’s never gonna see any of her daughters get married. She won’t be there for the twins’ first day of high school, or their prom. But he could bring himself to say it out loud.

Jay carefully scoots over in her bed, patting the spot next to her. “Love, climb up here. Give mummy some cuddles.” Louis wants to object, but he crawls into Jay’s bed anyways. He had missed her cuddles. He tucked himself into her side, sniffling softly. “There you go, darling. I know you’re trying hard to be strong, but you don’t have to. It’s okay to cry.”

“I-“ Louis cuts himself off with a small sob, hiding his face in Jay’s shoulder. He had been holding it all in since he found out his mum was diagnosed, and now he just couldn’t. He cries for almost half an hour before he finally falls asleep, lips parted and cheeks red. Jay just holds him the whole time.

Harry walks back in, leaving the girls in the hallway. “Lou, you ready?” He murmurs, looking at the bed. He smiles fondly when he sees them, taking a quick picture before Jay opens her eyes.

“Hi, love,” she whispers. “Seems like he fell asleep on me, huh? Poor boy.” She kisses his forehead gently.

“Have him call me when he wakes up and I’ll come get him,” Harry says softly, kissing Jay’s forehead. He rubs Louis’s side and kissing his cheek, standing back up straight. He can tell that Louis has been crying. “He needs this time with you.”

“I will. Thank you for taking care of my boy, Harry,” Jay says quietly. “He couldn’t do this without you. I know that.”

“I’ll always be here for him, no matter what,” Harry promises, smiling softly.

He takes the girls home and tucks the babies in for their naps, making tea for the girls. He sits down on the couch, wrapping his arm around Fizzy. “You girls feeling okay?”

“I don’t like seeing mum like that,” Fizzy says softly, rubbing her eyes. “She looks awful and I hate it. I wanna see her home and good again.”

“Me too,” Lottie nods, tucking herself into Harry’s other side. Daisy and Phoebe are upstairs in their room. “I don’t know how the twins will handle this. I don’t know how Louis will handle this.”

“I’ll admit, I’m scared of what this is going to do to Louis,” Harry says softly. “He laid beside her and cried himself to sleep. I can already tell you girls that she’s not going to make it,” he says honestly, voice soft. “But it’ll be better in the long run. She’s in pain right now, and she won’t be after.”

“I know, it just hurts to think about,” Lottie whimpers, sniffling softly. “I don’t want to lose my mummy. I’ll miss her way too much.” Fizzy nods in agreement.

“You won’t lose her, loves, she’ll always be with you,” Harry whispers. “She’ll always be watching over you and she’ll love you forever and always. Don’t worry about that, okay? You’ll always have her.”

“She got to see Louis get married, and I’m happy about that,” Lottie says softly. “For a long time, it was just the two of them. And he helped her raise me and Fiz. It just sucks that she’s never gonna get to see any of us get married.”

“Like I said, she will see,” Harry promises. “She’ll be watching.”

When Louis wakes up, Jay is awake and talking with Tommy. He’s a bit confused when he doesn’t see anybody else. “Mum? How long was I asleep?”

“A couple hours, sleepyhead,” Jay teases gently, kissing his forehead. “It’s okay. You needed it.”

Louis nods and climbs out of the bed, stretching slightly. “Hey, Tommy. What’s up?”

“Just wanted to talk to Jay about some things,” Tommy murmurs. “It’s actually good that you’re awake, too. It’s something pretty big.”

Jay furrows her eyebrows. “What is it, love?” she hums.

“Well-“ Tommy exhales a bit nervously. “We don’t know what the future will be like, right? Especially now. And I just wanted to do this while I can. Jay, and you too, Louis, I would like your permission to marry Lottie,” he says quietly. “It’s not going to happen now, or maybe not even in the next year. It would just make me feel better if I had your permission before I proposed, Jay.”

Jay has tears in her eyes, but a smile on her face. “Of course, Tommy,” she whispers, grabbing his hand. “I know I won’t be around for the wedding, maybe not even the proposal. I’d love to watch you propose, but I don’t think the hospital is a very romantic place for that to happen,” she teases. “But no matter what, I will always approve of it. Thank you so much for asking me, though. That means a lot to me.”

“Thank you,” Tommy whispers, kissing Jay’s cheek. “And Louis? Do I have your permission?”

“Well of course,” Louis chuckles, wiping under his eyes. “You’ve helped us a lot throughout all this. And I know you’ve been helping a lot with the twins. You’re already part of the family.”

Tommy smiles softly, pulling a box out of his pocket. “Would you like to see the ring, Jay? I inherited it from my grandmother.” He opened it, showing Jay the old-fashioned diamond ring.

“Oh, it’s gorgeous,” she replies softly, smiling up at him. “She’s going to love it, Tommy. I’m sure of it.”

Tommy drives Louis home and goes inside with him, calling out their arrival. “I’m gonna go see Lottie,” he murmurs.

Louis nods and immediately goes up to his room, crawling into bed next to Harry. “I missed you a lot,” he murmurs.

“I missed you, too, baby,” Harry whispers, smiling softly. “Did you have a good nap with your mum?” he murmurs.

“Yeah,” Louis whispers. “I needed that. It felt really good to just cry while she held me. I haven’t had that in a long time,” he sniffles. “Thank you for letting me stay with her.”

The next week when they visit, Jay can barely keep her head up. They pretend not to notice, trying their hardest to keep the spirits high. The youngest twins are cuddled into her side and the older twins are talking away, making sure they keep her up to date on their lives. After a couple hours, they can all tell that she’s weak and needs rest. Everybody says their goodbyes, and there’s a tense feeling in the air. Lottie and Fizzy can’t help but think that this is their last goodbye. All the girls hug Jay and kiss her cheek before being led out by Tommy, who takes them down to the cafeteria for a snack.

“I love you, mum,” Louis whispers, kissing her cheek. His voice breaks. He knows.

“I love you, too, my baby,” Jay whispers back, giving him a weak smile. She kisses his forehead, leaning back against the bed. “I know you’ll do great in life. And Harry, make sure you take care of my boy. I love you.”

“I always will,” Harry promises, squeezing Jay’s hand gently. “I love you, too, Jay. Thank you for being a second mum to me.”

“Don’t be sad when I’m gone, okay? Just hold on and things will be okay,” Jay murmurs, struggling to keep her eyes open to look at Louis. “Celebrate life. Don’t let the babies forget me.” Her voice cracks like she’s genuinely worried about it.

Louis’s heart breaks at the statement. “Mum, of course,” he whispers. “The twins will never ever forget you. I won’t let that happen and neither will the girls.”

Jay nods and lets her eyes close, her grip on Louis’s hand getting weaker. “I love you, baby. I always will. Don’t forget, it’s okay not to be strong.”

“I love you, too,” Louis breathes fiercely. “I always will, mum. Always.”

Louis feels his whole world crash down when her heart monitor flat lines. The doctor comes in calmly and expresses his apologies, letting Louis say his final goodbyes before escorting him out. Except for the tears streaming down his cheeks, Louis’s fairly calm. Until he’s not.

Louis lets out a choked sob, collapsing in the middle of the hallway. His cries are heartbreaking, and it immediately sends Harry into tears as he holds his husband. He leans against the wall and hugs Louis close, rocking him. They’re both a crying mess, and neither of them want to get up. They don’t know how to tell the girls.

It’s almost half an hour before Louis has the strength to stand up. Harry holds his waist as they walk down to the cafeteria, his bottom lip trembling. The girls are laughing about something Tommy said, and Louis almost can’t do it. When the girls notice him, their faces all drop.

“She-she’s gone,” Louis hiccups, another wave of tears leaving his eyes. Almost instantly, Lottie is up and has her arms around Louis as she starts crying. The other girls follow shortly after, but the youngest twins just cling to Tommy. They don’t know what’s going on. Louis holds the girls as close as he can as they all cry. It’s definitely a heartbreaking sight to those in the cafeteria.

They lay Jay to rest four days later, and Louis has given up on being strong. He knows it’s not important. He and his sisters stand off to the side as everybody says goodbye to each other. They all lean on each other for support, and Louis knows that things will be okay.

When they visit on Jay’s birthday the next year, Lottie has a shiny ring on her left hand as she helps the twins decorate the gravesite.

And when they visit on Christmas the year after that, they exchange presents in front of her tombstone. Louis’s got their adopted toddler in his lap and Lottie is holding her newborn little girl, Johannah Nicole Napolitano.

So yeah, losing his mum and best friend was easily the worst thing that Louis’s ever gone through. But with his family by his side, everything turned out okay.


End file.
